red's world

Don't be a Pretender

To congruently express who you are through your actions and behavior, that's the trick!

How many of us pretend to be something we're not so we can have something we wouldn't have otherwise?

It's easy to say, "don't pretend" but if your find that by giving up pretending, you lose the very thing you love the most...what choice do you make?

When you fear that expressing who you are to others will either hurt them or hurt you (or both), do you find yourself pretending, rather than being truthful? And what do you gain by that?

When I say, “don’t be a pretender” I mean: Don't put a mask on for those around you in an attempt to get their approval or love. But what I'm consumed with now is the kind of pretending we do because we are -- afraid. Maybe it comes from insecurity, but we often pretend because we believe that it’s the best (or only) option under the given circumstances. We do it in order to protect others (or more accurately - protect ourselves from the reactions of others).

Sometimes, life seems too complicated to manage with honesty -- especially when we don’t trust that those around us are strong enough to handle the raw truth, or we fear that we won’t get what we want if we don’t pretend. But when you pretend, you run the risk of being seen as someone or something you're not. It then becomes impossible to know if those that surround you really know you or just love who they think you are. Even when we think we are getting away with pretending... others can always tell, even if we fool ourselves.

So, I believe that it's important to know who you are and what you stand for; to know what you believe and value. And yes, I believe that being able to express that with consistency is essential. Because if you don’t, it’s confusing.  It's a tangled web - one which we've all been caught up in at one time or another.

But, I've realized of late, that there is no circumstance so complicated that we cannot choose how we deal with it honestly. Nothing is beyond our control when it comes to how we present ourselves to others. Sometimes, it may seem that we are required to appear be something other than we are (like an undercover agent - let's say) and we find ourselves doing things differently than we otherwise would because we feel it's in the best interest of others.  But this often has unforeseen consequences - because it puts us in a position of dishonesty.

I believe that being true to yourself, no matter what others make of it, is the best choice. I do it myself...mostly. Seriously, how many of us are really living the life of an undercover agent? Those of us who believe in truth and trust ourselves, don't usually have a legitimate reason to be (or pretend to be) anything other than what/who we are. Unless... we're actors/actresses on the stage - or children playing make believe.

Don't get me wrong, I know that discretion is called for from time to time. And I am a good secret keeper. And when it doesn’t serve the ultimate truth to fully disclose who I am in a given situation, I'm great at pretending. It’s simply a fact of life, there are times when keeping myself to myself is the smarter decision. In circumstances where telling the truth puts others in harms way; or when one is compelled to confess a transgression purely for the sake of clearing one's conscience - pretending might be a better choice. Ironically, honestly is not always the best policy. However, just because there are finite times in life when it is more respectful to be less than honest, pretending as a way of life is not a good choice - because that just makes you a lair.

Think about it...Is it really fair, to you or those you love, to live the life of a pretender? It takes such an effort; the energy to keep up false appearances draining. So, if you find that you're in a situation where you're have to pretend that you feel differently than you do; or that you are satisfied when you're not; or that you are complete when you deny an essential aspects of yourself...honestly, think about it. 

The more authentically we live, the closer we are to getting authentic responses from others.

I have, when I've cared deeply about another, found myself pretending to a point of being compelled to disregard some truths about myself. It's a easy trap to fall into because when things go unacknowledged, we can more easily ignore them. It's easier to deny the impact of things (or to deny that certain events occurred at all), if we pretend something is insignificant. Humans can live with almost anything because of our ability think our way out of things. And when the truth is too difficult to assimilate into our way of thinking -- or too painful to face without a way to guard against it -- we all pretend. 

But, pretending doesn't change the truth, it only help us hide from it - or hides the truth from ourselves, or others.

Denying who we are (even if it seems justified), ultimately, doesn't work -- because we humans are wired to be congruent and consistent. Pretending is only effective for a limited amount of a time before we are forced to face the reality of any situation if we are going to live genuinely and freely.

I think we all know this on some level - it's why certain situations (one's that require more pretending than truth) make us anxious or uneasy. We can all lie to world. We all have the capacity to put on a show that makes us look good, but ultimately, we cannot lie to ourselves. Eventually, that catches up with us and wears us down, making things that are real seem very far from our reach. 

Pretending, when left to the stage and to children it is a brilliant gift that inspires imagination and dreams. It can open up a world of possibilities; it's imagining and believing in our remarkable potential as creative beings. But this kind of pretending is not what I'm talking about when I discourage the idea of being "a pretender".

Because being who we are - front and center - is the most effective way to know that we are appreciated (and the best way to appreciate ourselves), when we stop our presences, we stand on more solid ground. Pretending can result in life becoming just a series of tasks, rather than a world of wonder. So, don't cheat yourself. People may not always like who we are, what we do, or the choices we make - but at least we know exactly what we're dealing with and where we stand with others.  For me, that's the easier path in the end.

Don't be a pretender, especially with yourself.

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Winning Hearts, Minds and Medals at the 2010 Olympics

Red and Johnny Weir win hearts, minds and medals at the 2010 Olympics with thier stunning performance of "Fire and Ice" in the New Figure Skating event: The Perfection Skate Competition.

When Johnny Weir was scandalously underscored for his brilliant performance of "Fallen Angel"  in the Men's Figure Skating Competition (putting him in 6th place for that event), something unexpected occured. Never discouraged, Johnny spontaneously decided to partner with Red for in a combination that was spell binding.

Thier chemistry, freedom and magic was palpable as they skated their way to Gold, being the first American skating pair to win in Perfection Skating.

The new Olympic Event came into being, spontaneously, as a result of audience demands for perfection on ice.

And who better to embody the essence of this sport than these two representatives of perfection? Judges and audience alike, were mesmerized by Red and Johnny in every way.

It appears that these two shining stars were destined for Gold. 

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Red Says: quirky quotable (#65)

 "If we are what we do...then what am I?"

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE

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A Presidential Letter from RED

My Dear Voters and Fans:

Happy Presidents' Day! This year, as you all know, I'm not the President of the United States. Sorry voters...you could have had a Red Hot Presidents' Day celebration if you'd only written my name in on the ballot during the last Presidential Election.

You said you wanted Change...well, trust me, if I were president  - not only the country, but the world would have changed - for the funner!

Now, sadly, because of the silly 4 year policy I won't be running again this year. The question is, what happened? How did I get in the running for the last Presidential election and why didn't win?

I'm easy, I slept my way into politics. 

"How'd that work out for you?" you ask...

I'm afraid that the American people were not ready for all the fun that I would have brought to that office. And there was some "stiff" (pun intended) competition for the "top position" (pun again) and as the final "poles" (another pun) for the last election "came" (yes, pun) to a close, Obama took the lead with his campaign for change. So, Change beat Fun.

But don't shed a tear...you can still review all posts on the RED'S 2008 Presidential Campaign  AND celebrate Presidents' Day by getting your very own RED FOR PRESIDENT button (WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!)

Kisses,
Red

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A Red Valentine for you!

Since I'm everyone's Valentine, I thought I'd make a card especially for you!
Click here for PDF or on the picture below (for jpeg). Then print and cut along the dotted line to make the best Red Valentine ever!

For more Valentine fun from Red Click Here.

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Red Says: quirky quotable (#64)

 "The meaning of life is what we make it."

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE

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Red Skates

Sometimes when the ice is just right and I get the urge, I skate.

            Photo Credit: Eric Lebowitz

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Salt This! New York Health Department: An Open Response

To Whom It May Concern:

I'm on a salt crusade and anyone who wants to join me is more than welcome. If you don't like salt, or want it banished from your plate, that's your choice. But you have to agree that we all have the right to eat what and how we want. It's like the first amendment right to freedom of speech - only it's about freedom to eat.

But New York City Heath Department is now trying to take that right away by trying to control how much salt we eat -- whether we are eating out at restaurants or at home. Who are these people? Why the need to exercise supremacy over others? Tell me...what happened to freedom of choice in this country? It's getting more and more difficult to live decadently and I live in the City of decadence (well, one of them).

The New York City Health Department is asking the food industry to voluntarily lower salt in their products over the next five years. Their goal is to decrease salt level by 25% - TWENTY FIVE Percent! Ouch! And they have this inane idea that if they decrease it slowly over time, people's palates will adjust, get used to the lack of flavor, and won't notice that their food doesn't taste good anymore. That's ridiculous! What do they take us for - idiots? (That's a rhetorical question... of course they do and, unfortunately, many of us are.)

We've been here before:

Seriously, the idea is that it's somehow more healthy to eat less salt? People will believe anything! Don't they know that decades ago they were telling people not to eat so much pepper? That pepper produces hardening of the arteries and liver damage - In fact, it's six times as active as gin in producing cirrhosis of the liver. But there is no way we're going back to the days of prohibition. So, gin and pepper stay! 

It's not trendy to reduce pepper (or gin) in people's diet, not anymore. Now, it's much more popular to focus on salt as the evil. But does it really seem right to blame death and destruction on a natural substance like salt? Isn't it worse to put synthetic things in our system? Not according to the Health Department. What arrogance to think that we can do better than nature at providing good preservatives and flavor enhancers!

Many people buy into the idea that salt causes high blood pressure, heart problems or whatever the current rhetoric is; fear tactics that have little base in reality. What they consider healthy eating is, incidentally, not necessarily accurate. The truth is we need salt to live. Creating a salt deficiency is unsafe. But the Health Department thinks we're so stupid that we will believe anything they claim and, with this, they attempt to "handle" us.

They claim that people get 80% of their salt intake from the way the food is cooked or packaged not from table salt...well, they've never sat at a table where I'm eating. I grew up on processed food and have used (what would be considered by their standards to be excessive amounts of) table salt on that food - all my life...and guess what? I have LOW blood pressure. If I ate less salt, my blood would simply stop pumping and that would be a tragedy. I could die. So stop the silliness and let us eat food we like and need. Let us determine what's healthy for our own bodies. And, quite honestly, if it does kills us - which it won't - isn't that our choice? I'd rather die of salty food than a flavorless life.

Oh, and then, one of the worst arguments comes from Dr.Thomas Farley (New York City Health Commissioner) who said, “Consumers can always add salt to food, but they can’t take it out,” True, you can always add salt - and I do. But has he ever tasted food that was not prepared with enough salt and then tried to add enough salt to it after preparation? It never works right - the food always just tastes bland or weird. You try this and you'll see what I'm talking about.

And think of the cost to the food industry to implement such a feat...taste testing and recipe changing takes time and money. Who will bare the cost of this? Us - the consumer! We will have to pay more for food that is not delicious.

I know some people who have been wooed by the Health Department's claims and are trying to lower their salt intake. These people will not be impacted by this "out with the sodium" incentive.

Again, my argument is:

We should have choice - about lifestyle, about beliefs and about food!

People can currently buy less-salty packaged food goods and low-sodium menu items if they choose to now. So why force all of us to do that? I mean, I'm not going to make you eat your vegetables, and I certainly won't eat them. But I will, absolutely, fight for your right to eat them, no matter what anyone else thinks!

What's a sodium deficient girl, like me, to do?
...Start a salt crusade! Join me in maintaining our right to be salty.

Click here to go to our facebook SOS (Save Our Salt) group - let's change the world

Kisses,
Red

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Never Settle

No matter what the situation or circumstances in life, most of us are taught to compromise in order to get what we want (or what we are told we can have). We’re encouraged to be satisfied with the way things are. If we not, we’re labeled as ungrateful or entitled. We're seen as ‘expecting too much.’ We believe that ‘good enough’ is the best we can expect; we make due, because we think that to want more is unrealistic.

I do not think that wanting more is unrealistic, but I do believe that we often convince ourselves that it is. 

When we believe that we shouldn't expect too much, we protect ourselves from disappointment by lowering our expectations. So, we settle for things that are not completely fulfilling. We tell ourselves that anything more - is impossible. Thus, generating a life of mediocrity. By not allowing ourselves to expect more, we relegate ourselves to a life in which ‘having it all’ cannot happen. 

What we expect, is what we get. We stay safe by closing ourselves off to a better option because we’re afraid it's not available to us or that it may not exist at all; or that the path to get to it is, well - too wrought with strife or too difficult or too - whatever...unreachable. 

I don’t believe that living life halfway is what life is about. For me, that is not enough.

It’s not that I’ve never lived by the rules, or believed that I’m asking too much to want more. It's not that I've never been afraid to hope because I might face disappointment or pain. We all get drawn in to this mode of thinking at times. But I found that putting up with things that are ‘good’, but not ‘good enough’, is not a life I'm interested in living. I can have something more -- something better. So, I refuse to accept anything less than the possibility of everything.

I’ve risked everything in my life to live beyond the status quo… and I have no regrets.

I don't settle in my aspirations, or my relationships - because I'd rather have a life full of failure and loneliness, than a life without hopes and dreams. I may not get everything, but I can never complain that I did not live a life filled with rich experience that moved me, challenged me and enriched me.

By not settling, I’ve made room for opportunities I didn't even know were there and created a life that is beyond anything I could ever have imagined.

Open yourself up to things you never thought possible, things that others may call pipe-dreams, and you will be amazed. There are no guarantees that you will get everything. But I can absolutely guarantee that if you settle, you'll never know the endless possibilities of a life without limits. 

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Red Says: quirky quotable (#63)

"Don't recreate from your memories, always imagine a new place!"

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE