red's world

Making Movie Magic

Life is like a movie. If we live it right, everything is possible. We can do anything and have it all, just like the movie star.

I am the star of my life and I live it accordingly. Yes, that means it's full of drama and adventure and (of course) a beautiful soundtrack.

When is NEVER?

Why do men who are involved in relationships (living with their girlfriend or married), always say, "I never do this," while they're trying to get down your pants?

My question to them is:

                    "Is never happening right now?"

What exactly does that phrase mean and why is it so important for them to say it - every time - just before we're about to...?

Come on, I'm not stupid, I know that they say this to make themselves feel better and/or to flatter me. But, if I'm thinking of sleeping with a man, they don't have to say anything to get me there.

Men, in this situation, generally preface this statement with: "I know everyone says this but. . ." (Yeah, they all do say it.) So what makes him think that his saying it is going to have some special significance; or that I care.

When I hear the "I never do this" phrase, I always wonder:

• Is the implication that they are "breaking a rule" for me. (If that's the case: "Hey, thanks for the insight.")
• Are they saying that I influence them do things outside their normal M.O. ("Wow, I'm a lucky girl! I help you change your ways!")
• Does it mean they feel guilty about having an affair and need to justify it by saying it's not a pattern? ("Really? Ok. . . so. . .what?")
• Or does it mean that they think I'm special? (I have to say, If I'm about to sleep with a man - no matter what his other relationships are - I'm already figuring that "I'm special.")

It's just not impressive (to me) to be the first gal a man has been with outside his marriage (or serious relationship). I'm a very open person and I make it easy for them. Trust me, the men saying this to me are not the first I've had that are attached to another. I just don't see the conflict . . . which is another story and we'll cover later.

For me it's not a matter of believing or disbelieving the statement It a matter of finding the statement annoying and unnecessary.

I say: "So what?" that he's never done this before - I have, and I have no shame or embarrassment about it.

Would it mean something different to me, if he had done it before? ---- NO, because he would have done it with somebody else.

So, to these men who are looking to break boundaries:

Save the line for your own time -- when you're with me -- kiss me fiercely and hold me tight. You can justify your actions to yourself, by yourself. I don't need to know and, I promise, I won't be the one standing in judgment. . . 

I'll be the one enjoying our time together -- for what it is -- without the need for explanation or justification.

Red Says: quirky quotable (#14)

"always have dessert first..."

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables ClickHERE

Freedom from Love

I believe that it is essential to express love openly and honestly – and often.

People are afraid of this. Like maybe it’s a trap.

Never is love a trap, always it is freedom.

Red Says: quirky quotable (#13)

"Don’t confuse sex with love, or love with commitment."

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables ClickHERE

Red Says: quirky quotable (#12)

"Same news, different war."

For all Red Says Quick Quotables ClickHERE

Far Far Away

I can't even begin to explain what has happened over the past 2 weeks; what I've had to do and how I've lost track of all things I was focused on in my life. That life is far far away right now.

Listing the tragedies and triumphs I've been through would not do justice to the intensity of my experience. Nor would such a list help you to understand. And I fear, it would ultimately distract from the point of this piece.

That point being:  Life, sometimes, is a ride we just have to go with when it pulls us along. And as much as we determine our destiny (and I truly believe that we do); we are powerless over life lessons that are sometime thrust upon us. 

It's what we do with these lessons -- how we manage the wreckage in the face of a tragedy -- that determines who we are, our outlook on life, and our destiny.

What I've found is that while those people outside the turmoil think that pity or sorry is in order; those that are inside often find themselves getting caught up in reassuring the outsiders that things are alright.
            And things are not alright.
                                      Yet, truthfully, they are all right.

The realities of life's paradoxes become crystal clear when one is in the mist of dealing with tremendous loss or shock. This little miracle of living completely in the contradictions of impossibilities is what I call an unexpected gem (and really weird). It's unexplainable.

With each crisis comes a challenge or several, I'll only share a handful that seem important to me at this moment:

1. One is to stay true to who you are as life throws you for a loop (or several loops at a time.)
2. Two is to stay close to those you love, who love and 'get' you.
3. Three is to love all those around you who try to support (as best they can -- many times not knowing how to.) So . . .
4. Four is to remember there is no map (for either the insiders or the outsiders) for dealing with events filled with turmoil or the inherent paradoxes, so be gentle.
5. And Five is to honor each taxing situation for what it is and/or who they are/were.

I know that some of this post may seem vague or hazy but at times -- so is destiny.

BTW, the image used is an electronic painting by Dr. Sabin-Corneliu Buraga called Warm Destiny

Red Says: quirky quotable (#11)

"A gay man makes a good starter husband."

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE