Red's World

Red Says: quirky quotable (#48)

"It's not how you feel - but how you look - that matters."

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Pair off, 1,2...3?

How we choose our mate?

Think about it…really. With more than 40,000,000 sites available to singles, people must think a lot about this. I think understanding more about how we choose who we want to partner-up with, can help us recognize why certain relationships (of the romantic couple variety) are lasting – or not.

Not that I’m a big fan of limiting oneself to only one, one...but, for the sake of argument, let’s keep this simple and address this conversation to the vast number of people who are looking for a significant other to share time with. In a sort of committed or datey – I want to be with you, and only you, and nobody else but you – kind of way.

Widespread opinion (or is it just a myth?) says that common beliefs, interests or shared experience are important in an ongoing relationship. Maybe, maybe not, but many dating sites have made a mint on this idea. And although, it’s true that those factors often bring people together. Alas, this limited understanding of union, often it is not enough to keep a couple a couple (or together at all). 

Here are some examples of how those looking for love try to search: age, religion, political views, looks, hobbies, blah blah blah… and here are some samples of the kind of information you can find on the profiles of daters looking for love: “I love outdoor activities such as water sports, camping, baseball and playing pool”….SO WHAT? Sounds like he's looking for a companion, not a girlfriend. I mean, “Are you interesting?” Or how about this guy, who is looking for a soul mate – yikes: “I like the fresh air of the golf course and occasionally catching up with the latest cult movie.”  Impressive, yes?

Wouldn’t it be easy if that was all it took, just to have things in common to find your one and only? It’s a very seductive idea, indeed, and one that many marriages are based on. But it’s certainly not, well...that simple.  What happens when you life-partner gets bored, or sick, or has an allergic reaction to some shared common interest that was important in your relationship? Then what? What if as you both go through life, each of your values change; what was once considered a cornerstone of your connection becomes a source of strain -  because, that value is now only important to one of you and is seen as a ridiculous by the other? What if, as all people do, we each become more true to who we are as we gain experience – which inevitably brings us to new outlooks and worldviews? That can be disastrous to a committed relationship. And often is. Even if the relationship survives this, it’s often because one of the partners has to shut up or because they have something more than we look for on dating websites.

Chemistry (the spontaneous reaction of individuals to each other, especially a mutual sense of attraction or understanding), is what I think is most important. And honestly, I’ve not figured out how to determine the intensity of this kind of connection without meeting the person in person, which is one reason I’ve not tried the dating sites. (The other reason is that I’m not sure I believe in coupling.)

Nevertheless, chemistry is a visceral thing that occurs between two people when they’re in the same room. There can be no love at first sight if you’re not in the same room…even if you’re on the same website.

What Rebecca Thinks. . . (#6)

Because I think it's important to continue to share my thoughts on Dating, Men and Pets. Here's number 6 of the "What Rebecca Thinks. . . " series. (insights in 30 seconds)

RSS Readers Here

Enjoy! and Stay tuned for more to come!!
 

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You Go: to my favorite minoritie...the Gays.

I have a great affinity to the Gay community and their struggles. I live outside the box and as a result I have to deal with scoffs and judgments of those that think my lifestyle is "wrong"...but at least as a heterosexual woman, I have the right to marry.

The fall out from the Defense of Marriage Act, signed by Bill Clinton, in 1996 has had drastic consequences on equal rights in our country. It has been used as a way to legally discriminate against Gays for far too long, putting an important segment of our population in the position of fighting for the same fair treatment that most of us enjoy without a second thought.

The fall out of this bill is overwhelming, taking away not only the right to marry who you love, but all the benefits that are inherent to that union. Most heterosexual couple take for granted such benefits: Like health coverage for your spouse; the right to to be considered your spouses next of kin; the spousal testimonial privilege or spousal immunity; the right to have your foreign-born spouse sponsored for legal residency here in the United States. 

The issue of inequality remains front and center, throughout the States. Ultimately, we have dispel unfair standards. They have been part or our culture for far too long. I often wonder, how we can call ourselves a free country when we deny people inherent freedoms?  Especially when we know that to discriminate against one group, only creates more discrimination against others. The fignt goes on...

In Vermont, Vermont Freedom to Marry Action Committee is trying to address right of the Gays to marry, not just have civil unions. Married couples have more rights than those in a civil union. VT State Senator Campbell plans on to propose a gay marriage bill to the Vermont House this January. Add your voice.

In California, two judges of the federal appeals court, said that employees of their court were entitled to health benefits for their same-sex partners under the program that insures millions of federal workers. In response, the federal Office of Personnel Management,using the Defense of Marriage Act as justification, instructed insurers not to denial the benefits ordered by the judges. Now it goes to our President, The Courage Campaign gives you an oppotuity to voice in to President Obama on this. 

However, some good news is that The Uniting American Families Act, was introduced last month the Senate by Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.) and in the House by Jerrold Nadler (D-N.Y.). It allows same sex couples the same rights that are now available to heterosexual couples --- the ability to sponsor foreign born partners for their green card.  

And San Francisco Mayor, Gavin Newsom, who has supported gay marriage openly since 2004 when he began allowing gay and lesbian couples in San Francisco to apply for marriage licenses despite the passage of a proposition in 2000 that prevented the state from recognizing same-sex marriages, continues to speak up for gay rignts.

The Gays and their supports are not sitting by, allowing others to continue to treat them unfairly. And I stand proudly with them.

Red Says: Quirkey Quotable (#47)

"St. Patty's Day should be a national holiday!"

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE

Look what I got!!

Hey Everyone:

Look what I got for my B-day. A hot guy with just a pair of tiny boxers!!

My PR Wizard sure knows how to make me happy!

He knows, as I do, that  Sex sells.

And yes, it's true...I'm 29.

kisses,
Red

A Romantic Night...Love Songs with James Barbour

Last night I spent a magical night at Sardi's listening to the stunning voice of James Barbour. (Most recently known for his portrayal of Sydney Carton in the Broadway Musical, A Tale of Two Cities.)

He sang me love songs!  Ok, not just me ---

Lucky for you, his Saturday Night's at Sardi's has been extended until March 28. So you too can enjoy the mesmerizing voice of this brilliant talent.

I'll bet he'll even sing you a love song.

James endears himself to the audience with his unassuming manner and enjoyable patter which seems unscripted and natural. Almost like he's just talking with friends, hanging out in his living room by the piano singing.

Using humor to encourage some audience participation he made sure the night had something for everyone. From the Musical Theatre classics (Irving Berlin, Rogers and Hammerstein), to dramatic contemporary ballads (Frank Wildhorn), to pop rock (Styx, and even Captain and Tennille), James showed his range. His engaging presences invited everyone to, not only enjoy the songs, but also to have fun. 

But when he sang...a hush fell. No one wanted to miss a single note!

Here's a little teaser for anyone who is still on the fence about going to see him.

Loving You Keeps Me Alive

James genuinely brings his joy of song to life in every performance.

But if you're not in New York City and you can't go see his show

live --- don't fret you can still listen...

He has a CD and a blog.

Eating Nuts?!?

I know what you're thinking ;)
But I'm actually not talking about those kind of nuts!

Seriously,  I'm talking about peanuts here. And I'm talking seriously about Peanuts. 

So I was at Grand Central Station yesterday and what did I see? Giant Peanut People handing out free peanuts to passers by! You better believe that peanut industry must be suffering to put on such an elaborate promotion.

Using the tag-line: "Peanuts: Energy for the Good Life,"  The National Peanut Board is trying to make peanuts look good --- or silly.  They even had peanut plants.

They're trying so hard to repackage Peanuts as "good for you" instead of a deadly killer. Good luck with that...

By now everyone knows that Stewart Parnell, CEO of Georgia's Peanut Corporation of America (now bankrupt), told his plant manager to send contaminated peanuts out, even though he now is taking the fifth.

His fatal mistake caused at least 9 deaths and hundreds of sick consumers. Over 2100 items were recalled in late January after cases of salmonella had been traced back to peanut products. The largest product recall in history.

I took some nuts... but I didn't eat them. I'm not ready to risk my life just to taste some nuts. But that's just me. However, I did enjoy the costumes!

To help consumers identify affected products, FDA has initiated a searchable database of recalled products that is updated daily or as additional recalls are identified. 

Red Says: quirky quotable (#46)

"Always be prepared!"

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE