Red's World

You'll look good when you're dead

This past week was a big one for two Super Powers who recently left this world after helping to shaped our culture. This past Saturday there was not only a funeral for the late Senator Edward (Teddy) Kennedy ...

there was a flashmob of people dancing in the steet to celebrate Michael Jackson's Birthday. He would have been 51, had he not been killed

But the thing that strikes me the most about these events is not the dancing or the ritual rich (and politically well attended) memorial service. But the fact that even though both of these men committed heinous crimes in their lifetime, they are celebrated in death.

Kennedy's Crime:

On 19 July 1969, Kennedy killed a woman named Mary Jo Kopechne on Chappaquiddick Island in Massachusetts. Leaving with her from a party, he drove the car off the bridge into Poucha Pond and then swam to shore leaving her dead (or dying) in the submerged car. He walked back to the party, took 2 friends to the accident site...did nothing, then went to his hotel and called his lawyer (NOT the Police or an Ambulance). In fact, by the time he finally called the police (the next morning), the accident had already been discovered. No autopsy was ever preformed on Miss Kopechne but her family did received a payout from the Kennedy's insurance. Teddy Kennedy pled guilty to the charge of "leaving the scene of an accident after causing injury." Is that what they call killing someone...causing injury? At any rate, he sentence of 2 month in jail was suspended.

Saturday Kennedy was buried a hero, hailed as the "Liberal Lion" of the U.S. Senate on which he served as the Massachusetts Representative for nearly half a century. Nobody mentioned "Chappaquiddick" at the service. In this great county you can get away with murder, change political policy and be a champion in death. 

Michael Jackson's Crime:

Well, you know...little boys. He was initially accused in of sexual abuse in 1993. No charges were brought against him, but the family received settlement funds from Mr. Jackson to the tune of $15.3 million. In April 2004, he faced a long list of similar charges: conspiracy to commit child abduction, false imprisonment and extortion, three counts of committing lewd acts upon a child, attempted lewd acts upon a child, and four counts of administering intoxicating agents to assist in the commission of a felony. In 2005, he was tried and acquitted of these charges. But, let's face it, he's was a man that shouldn't have been around children. 

Eventually, Michael will be laid to rest. Initially scheduled to be buried on his birthday, the family pushed the service to Tuesday September 3rd. Probably they didn't want to share the spotlight - or the airtime - with another American Icon. Micheal will be remembered, for being the "King of Pop." Because in this great country, you can fiddle with little boys, completely change your look while you're sing falsetto, and still die the King. And his music plays on and on and on... sales of his songs are at a record high since his death.

Anyway, God Bless America. The land of Brave where the criminals run Free. And so it goes. The story of who we are in life is how we're seen in death. And these two stars shine brightly as they leave this world loved and adored.

So don't worry, no matter what you do... you'll look good when you're dead.

Going through the motions

Being able to choose how we live is such a gift and living in a world where the possibilities are endless is the envy of those who are less fortunate on this planet. Even so, people live halfway, just going through the motions, doing what's expected and allowing life to live them.

It’s not necessarily that they are unhappy with where they’re at, it’s just that they’ve forgone things that they want because they’re seduced into a way of life that doesn’t embrace that. So rather than living life, they do what’s in front of them.

To some extent it’s how we’re raised. People want to fit in and people want to do what’s right. And sometimes it’s just easier to follow directions and go along with what’s been done before. I’ve done it. I’ve lived a regular life; one that fit within the expectations of what most consider a well-adjusted adult lifestyle. I was ruled by social standards, doing things as expected, willing to settle for what I thought was the best I could get. 

But one day, I had an epiphany…stemming from events in my life (the details of which are unimportant) and I woke up to the reality that life truly is what we make it. I don’t have to just go along for the ride, I can choose my direction, create my future. And I can do it from nothing, if that’s all I have.

So it’s not without empathy and understanding that I express surprise when I come across those who have had life experiences that bring into focus the brevity and preciousness of life, yet still insist on merely living – without risk, slogging along. Those that have had a wake-up call and continue to deny their dreams –  that is a real tragedy. 

For many the event that gets them moving towards the life they want is a near death experience – a heart attack, accident or some medical crisis that jerks them into the realty that life is short and should be treated as a gift. For others, it’s the loss of a loved one that hits home the truth of our limited existence. And for some it’s falling in love that triggers the urge to experience life fully without reservation. No matter the specifics,  it amazes me that many people who have such experiences say out loud – “Wow, this really changes things. It’s a wake up call for me to really live my life as I want to.” – but remain exactly where they’ve been and continue to forsake desires that would bring meaning and richness to their lives.

So, although for me it seemed that life circumstances brought me to this new outlook, I’m not convinced that it has to be a dramatic event that pushes one forward, maybe it’s just a decision.

A conscious decision to refuse to miss out while you can enjoy the wonders of life. I remember making that decision. And although the decision came after certain events changed my life situation, perhaps it was the decision that pushed me forward - not the events. 

Either way, once I woke up, even knowing the fear and risk involved, I couldn’t go back to just going through the motions. No matter how safe it was or how easy it seemed, I couldn’t go back to sleep. 

Please do not sleep through your life; do not wait until you’re near death, or you loose something dear, to make the decision to live fully. You don’t want to look back on your life and wish you had.

Stop going through the motions. Instead, make the mistakes and take the chances. And live without the regret of playing it so safe that you miss it all together.

Cruising with the Gays!

Everyone has to admit that the Gays have a corner on cruising. I mean it's undeniable that they are the ultimate experts in this field.

Because I so admire their proficiency I decided to celebrate this in several ways: First I model myself after a them, cruising whenever I can for some male ass.  It’s true... I live the stereotypical gay man and I’m proud of it! 

And to seal the deal, I went cruising with them last month on Sea Tea (New York’s Gay Sailing Party Cruise) and gayed it up.

I was one of the few women and I think I may have been the only straight one on the boat. But that didn’t stop me from checking out all the men with my boys!  

It was boys night out... or girls night out. Anyway, we all had a gay old time!

William Adriance, a fellow blogger, who was more timely in getting his post up (if you know what I mean) regarding our night of debauchery was definitely the best entertainment there!!

So whether you’re a gay man or just want to be one, there is much fun to be had cruising around the island.

It is Pure Fun!

Red Says: Quirkey Quotable (#55)

"I hate the oppressive sun!"

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE

The Opposite Sex

So which sex is the opposite one?  And does that mean we're opposing? Like black and white, good and bad, thin and fat? Are we on opposite sides - like sports teams or battle ships?

But really, what makes us think that men and women are opposites?

Are we opposite because we have different equipment (where it counts - and that's a good thing, yes)? Are we opposite because the act of having physical pleasure differs for each sex (i.e. women have to relax to have an orgasm while men have an orgasm to relax)? Are we opposite because we behave at times with opposite motives? Are we from different ends of the emotional spectrum? Women being seen as more nurturing and caring and emotional (according to traditional standards) men being more independent and strong and rational (like that's a fact). None of these aspects are truly opposite...with the exception of what's between our legs! 

As women we're raised differently than men. Because we are...different. But some differences we're brought up to believe as facts may not necessarily be truth. However, because we've been taught to focus on our differences, we often act as if the other gender is an alien that we cannot possibly understand. 

Men and women are distinct, yet when we take into account all aspects of being human, defining our gender difference as opposite is, in fact, a misnomer. Different? Yes. Opposite? No way!

We're probably more similar than not, even though we differ in some very important ways. Ways that make coming together very exciting. Like pieces of a grand puzzle that makes the world go around.

Or -- it could be that "opposite sex" refers to some physical act that I've not been privy to (an unlikely scenario). But I think it's just a left over term from back in the day, "When Men were Men and Women were Women." And an easy way to say, "not the same gender as me".

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Painting credited to: Laurie Zagon

The Rules of Engagement

Maybe the world's not ready for me...or maybe it's just hard to be easy.

I've had many kinds of relationships, love affairs and connections, so I speak from experience. And I speak as a woman who loves to be cherished and respects that there are all kinds of ways of being with others.

What I share here is meant as no disrespect to those who are more traditionally grounded in marriage or relationships...it's simply another take on extramarital activities. One that respects the fact that infidelity has a legitimate place in marriage. After all, it's been a part of the marriage experience for centuries.

So here's some thoughts I've had in regards to the age-old question...how do we engage in an affair and give it the respect it's due?

When a man has an affair, the "affairee" (i.e. other woman, mistress, paramour) is his secret fling, his private liaison, his covert lover - the one who makes the world go away with moments of passion.

I'm talking about an affair that doesn't threaten his marriage; the kind where the liaison never leaves the bedroom and doesn't become more than an extracurricular activity. I'm not talking about an affair of the heart that potentially interferes with the marriage commitment.

In the position of his mistress, I've sometimes had to listen to his dreams that are not related to what we share. However, when I find myself listening to concerns and fears that are directly related to what he’s afraid of losing because of what we have, he has broken one of the rules of engagement; that of respecting the boundaries of our relationship. When he frets about his fears regarding our rendezvous, the nature of our connection changes;  it becomes burdensome rather than freeing.  It is a warning that he should not be engaged in this affair.

The tell-"tail" signs that he should not be having an affair:

• He confuses what we share with his life situation and other obligations.
• He becomes increasingly concerned about consequences of our play.
• He feels guilt or shame about the connection we have...

If these signs are present...he has to go, because he's no longer with me anyway -- even when we're together. Because at this point, being with me becomes a pressure-filled reminder of his "improprieties", rather than carefree moments that provide relief from the demands of the outside world, other relationships and life expectations.

When he starts to feel that what we are doing is "wrong", then that is exactly what it becomes. He creates his own reality in this way. Inadvertently (probably unconsciously), he starts to judge and blame me for his discomfort with our relationship and he begins to resent me for it.

And when he does this, it's time to let go, kick him out of my bed and move on. I cannot waste my time being with someone who:

• Does not celebrate our moments of timelessness.
• Brings outside, unrelated issues to my bedchamber.
• Has beliefs about relationships that are archaic or puritanical.

These will ultimately destroy the purity of our connection to one another. Don't misunderstand; I know my place in the affair chain of command. I don't expect him to live out-loud with me, but I do expect that we'll enjoy the experience together, privately.

I cannot, will not, be his playmate if he becomes paranoid and takes it out on me. It's disrespectful of me, and the legitimate extramarital relationship we share.  If he cannot handle being with me, it is certainly not because I don't make it easy for him, it is because he makes it hard (and not in the good way).

So, remember all you little "affairees", being the other woman, does not make you a doormat for him to wipe his guilty feet on -  because he feels dirty.

For him to be lucky enough to enjoy your company, he has to follow the rules of engagement and respect the affair for the treasure it is.

Come What May

This is the love song from my favorite movie, Moulin Rouge.

 

  I'm singing with Joey D'Alessandro Jr.

(AKA Electro Blue)

Red Says: quirkey quotable (#54)

"Stop the Bullshit."

For all Red Says Quirky Quotables Click HERE

Pay Attention!

I’m a girl and I like boys. . . but I need attention if I’m going to stay interested.

It seems that at the beginning of every romance boys put a lot of effort into getting a girl's attention -- so what happens?  And what exactly makes them think that, after a time, they can stop with the attention seeking behavior, the romantic gestures, AND still keep me interested?

Simply telling me that I’m important is not enough.

Like all girls, I need to be shown how important I am to him through actions. Otherwise, boys, we girls get bored. And when I'm bored I lose interest.

Guys, I am a romantic but you won't keep me (or keep me interested), just because I like you.

If you want to have my attention, you'll have to work at keeping mine.