red's world

A Reminder on Real VALUE

A most beautiful friend sent this to me in an email and I felt that it was worth sharing because sometimes we just need to be reminded!

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you  but first, let me do this.  He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. 

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"  Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"  And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.  He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. 

"Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value.  It was still worth $20.  Many times in our lives,  we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way." 

"We feel as though we are worthless.  But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value.  Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE.  You are special- Don't EVER forget it."

You may never know the lives it touches, the hurting hearts it speaks to, or the hope that it can bring. 

Count your blessings, not your problems.   

Remember, the value of you never decreases!

People have a lot of Rules

Everyone thinks they know how people should live and try to impose that on others. I’ve done it myself but that is not my goal here, or in life.

I believe my way of life is the best because it works for me. I think that others might be happier if they took heed of my valuable words of wisdom. But I don’t really matter. I just think the principles I live by make for a full experience of the world in which I live. And isn’t that what life’s about?

I probably drink a little too much – I smoke, I cuss and I have plenty of sex.  I’m a free spirit; fun loving and I share myself without reservation. I have a lot of love to give and there’s plenty to go around.

I try not to limit myself by constraints that are placed upon me by the views of others or the expectations of the world. And I try not to limit others.

I believe anything. ANYTHING is possible and I live accordingly.

These are my rules:

Be true.

That’s it. Just true.

Oh yeah, and have fun.

Wait a Minute

Do you ever feel like you spend a large amount of your life waiting?
Waiting for the train, waiting for the weekend, waiting for right time. . .waiting for life to begin.

Well, stop waiting! If you don't than you look back on your life and feel like you missed it. Remember life is happening right now. In front of you, beside, behind you. . .
All around you.

Join in!

I recently found myself looking forward to spending time with a particular person and found that much of my day (though busy with activities and fun, productive tasks) was spent daydreaming about the time we'd get to spend together once the day was over. And when all the waiting was for naught -- because at the end of the day, the day was over. And we didn't get together -- I felt desperately let-down.

But it made me think about what I would be doing with my creative energy if I wasn't just waiting. I'm not a waiter (I don't serve you food) and it's generally in my nature to take an active role in determining where I want my life to go. And take the necessary steps to make things happen. 

While I was waiting, I realized that I had been letting life live me, instead of deliberately living my life.

I'm not saying we shouldn't day dream - greatness comes from imagination, dreams and visions - I'm just saying don't miss the opportunity to move your life forward. You don't want to be left behind because you're waiting for something better. Use those daydreams to make each moment a magical experience.

Although there are times it's restful to simply let life take it's course, resting for long creates lethargy and a feeling of being trapped. It makes us forget that we have the power, the control to determine every detail of our lives.

So, remember you're in charge of your life direction. You can have and do anything you put your mind to. If you don't believe me than try what I do and see if I'm wrong. . .

Stop waiting and live a deliberate life.

Stop the Bullshit!

If you don’t like it change it, or at least enjoy the discomfort.

No one is really a victim because we have the power to change everything with a look, a smile, a touch or a word.

Everything counts and yet nothing is counted against you.

I believe that each hardship I come across is a beautiful chance to experience another part of the human adventure and it often give me and opportunity to confirm what I already suspected. 

And if not  . . .  I can always use it in my work.

Getting Caught is the Measure of the Man

I’ve had numerous relationships with men and I understand the dynamics of relationships with men who are already involved with another woman at the time we choose to come together.

When I choose to do this, I go into this with my eyes wide open. I take responsibility for my choices and I don’t pretend that the rest of the world — or his girlfriend, if she’s not secure in their relationship and she finds out — is going to understand that my relationship with him has nothing to do with her.

But, people get weird about sex and possessive about their partners (especially when it comes to acts of intimacy).

However, I admit that when a man wants to have his Cake and his Cupcake too, I have been know to be open to being his delicious Cupcake if he possesses certain qualities:

1.  He has his head on straight regarding the relationship boundaries.

2.  He is respectful of me and of our time together.

3.  He is hot. 

Why not?

What I do with him is between us, not anyone else.

If he tries to bring his other relationships up when we’re together  – I quickly lose respect for him. I have no use for continuing a relationship with someone who is focusing on guilt or worried about “getting caught.” As soon as that fear (or reality) rears its ugly head, he is no longer sharing moments with me.

He is lost. 

And, although, I’m a sensitive person, I cannot save anyone.

I don’t look to engage with cowards, and I don't like it when a guy back peddles because someone else is not in favor of him being with me. I have no problem with him telling me straight-out, “This isn't working for me.” (I know that not everyone can live outside the box the way I do.) But I do have a problem with him saying “I can’t do this because someone else found out and doesn’t like it.”

I want to scream, “Pleeeease! Stand up and be a man! Make your own decisions – don’t blame your change of heart on someone else. You knew from the start that there was a risk, so actually getting caught is, well, not my problem.”

The real question here is: Why do something you can’t live with?

I believe that if you can't live with your decisions, it's time to do something different. If you can’t live with the consequences of your actions (should another become aware of your behavior), DON’T DO IT!

Perhaps some men are fearful of actually being in charge of their own decisions.

These are the victims. . . victims to their lives; these are the ones who let life happen to them and never feel that they have any options. I guess it must give them comfort to blame someone else for their decisions.

Myself, I find it manipulative and irritating. Because, if you have ever been on the receiving end of someone living out of fear of “getting caught”, you are often mistreated (or worse blamed) and then expected to be understanding to their dilemma.

I have little tolerance for someone who thinks they can use their life-circumstances or other relationships as an excuse to be thoughtless towards someone else. 

I believe that we all make choices and we all create our lives. Those who are driven by fear of their own power are destined to feel unfulfilled. Many times their unwillingness to take responsibility is expressed as, "having a hard time," "feeling confused," "going through a tough time,” or “feeling guilty”. Either way, it's not a very appealing attribute when it becomes a way of life.

I try to be aware of a man’s tendency to think this way before I let him in my bed, but sometimes I just don’t see it. Sometimes they convincingly portray someone they are not: Someone who will stand up and be a man about his choices and his life.

The Limiting Nature of Immorality

Disclaimer:  BE WARNED . . . this could be considered an immoral piece.

People seem to need to put things in the category of good and bad, right and wrong, moral and immoral. I think sex has gotten a really bad rap as far as that goes. And - as most of you who know me already know – I don’t believe in a life with limitations – be they physical, emotional, philosophical, educational, mental, geographical or otherwise.

But often, people feel more comfortable if they have a structure within which to understand the world; they feel safer with rules than without them. Which makes it easy for the forces like religion and social mores to have power over people’s actions and behavior.

I’m certainly not saying we should live in a lawless culture and I agree that having rules is a good way to create structure. But when it come to attitudes on sex, people’s seems more susceptible, than with most other subjects, to limit themselves – using the constructs of externally imposed expectations as rationale.

My challenge to you is to create your own sexual rules. Be brave and step out side the limited beliefs that:
“Sex is bad unless it’s for procreation.” or
“Having one partner is the only way to create intimacy,” or
“Being a slut is a bad thing to be,” or
“Women who sell sex are being exploited.”

Be brave enough to say:
“I live by my own rules and I determine what is right and wrong . . . for me.”

Relationship Math

I don't know about you, but I start to feel encumbered when a man is more enamored with me than I am with him. And yet, there is something quite appealing about someone being smitten with you -- don't you think?

Even when your feelings aren't reciprocal, it's easy to be enticed by someone who finds you enchanting. But all too often it becomes -- well -- captivating. And I don't like feeling caged.

When I'm seduced by another's infatuation with me (because it make me feel so special), but I don't have the same intensity about them, I start feeling edgy. All too quickly -- it starts to feel like he wants to change me, and he does want me to change . . . my feelings towards him. I start to feel obligated to try to have special feelings, even if it's not true or even possible.

One thing I know for myself is that when I start to feel anxious in a relationship, it’s usually because I’m not being true to my own experience of that relationship.  This is a sign that it’s time to let it go. (I believe this principal holds true for all relationships -- not just romance.)

For me, it usually starts by making a list of all his great qualities - justifying why I'm still spending time with a guy who is clearly a mismatch for me. And as a result I find myself ignoring the here and now and missing my life. We all know how well that works. . .  it's a dead end. I've found that it's better to cut your losses, call it a day, and thank him for all the nice things he did and said.

When I try to balance the good against bad on the allegorical "relationship spreadsheet" - well, I always come up short. Because, as I'm doing this, I'm already not in it... I'm already gone.

I believe that relationships are a celebration of who we are with others. They should never be about changing the other person -- if they are then the relationship is with someone who doesn’t exist.

It all boils down to a simple equation, when you start weighing the pros and cons. . . it' time to go. If it was right and true you wouldn't be sending time doing the math, you'd be spending the time delighting in the wonder of the people you are together.

So remember this formula: 

Pros x Cons = Goodbye.

Live Fearless and Freely

Sometimes I listen to myself and I sound so altruistic, idealistic, and optimistic. But I’m really not. I think I’m realistic, although many would dispute me on that. I think I'm realistic because I believe that anything and everything is possible.

I can have it all.  I don’t need to compromise, or settle, or make due. Settling only causes resentments and regrets. And I like to live my life regret-free.

This takes more courage than you might think.

It means being willing to be open to anything and to be ready to let go of it at the same time. It takes trust in your own resilience and a good helping of fearlessness. . . qualities I believe that we all have.

Who ARE You???

Impostors . . . they sneak up on you.  Suddenly they are just right there, in your life - when you didn't intend them to be - and you didn't see it coming.  They are people who pretend to be something they are not. They use you for their own selfish gain. I find them to be a waste of time and space and I have no use for them. But sometimes, I don't recognize them.

Please, people: trust your gut. You know when you're dealing with a fraud. But don't judge yourself for not seeing it at first; some frauds are very well rehearsed in their act, so it can take some time to see through them. Yet, we all know that feeling in our gut when we think "something is wrong here". You can rely on that feeling, it's probably telling you the truth.

Don't let the imposters' duplicitous ways make you doubt yourself. Whether you believe it or not, we are all born with the ability of discernment. If we pay attention, we'll know when we are being fooled. We just sometime forget this, or don't trust it, or ignore it. But don't despair.

I've been known to ignore my gut when I really want to like someone or want them to like me. It's only human. I've definitely put up with someone's dishonesty far too much, for far too long. I hate that this is true, but I have done this from time to time, in all areas of my life (work, play, love) and it always ends up hurting me.

Because I'm an optimist, I hope beyond hope that the people I run across will be true -- but not everyone is. But the beauty of life is that there are all kinds and we can choose with whom we associate ourselves.

It's a wonderful human quality to have hope and to be optimistic, so don't give that up. Don't let imposter's get in the way of your optimism (or get in bed with you again).

That's the lesson. Trust and be open - but mostly trust yourself. Because you already know.

$pend your time and your money wi$ely.

Money. It comes and goes. We spend so much time worrying about where we'll get it and if we'll have enough and if we can afford it. What a waist of time and life!!

All too often I've seen people live for the Almighty Dollar. It rules their every decision and their state of mind. Most people are living in accordance with what they think they can't do, rather than what they want to do. Now, I'm not saying be stupid and run your credit cards up, and get into terrible debt, and feel overwhelmed with bills. I'm saying if you live as if you can't have anything - then you can't. Live in abundance and you'll have abundance.

Maybe I'm just lucky - or - as my accountant says, I'm a financial genius. Because, I don't really make a lot of money, but I live like I do. I travel when I want, I have what I want and I choose a career in the arts - I'm an Actress (live theatre being my true love) - where there is little opportunity to get rich. (Hence, the term starving artist.) But, if I took my financial situation into consideration, when making a career decision, I'd have never had the rich experience of living my dream and having a passion filled life. Yes, it's risky but I've found it to be well worth the risk.

In fact, I've taken financial risks - some have panned out some have not. I've invested in things I love and I've spent money on people I love, even when I really didn't have it for myself. And guess what? The rewards are endless. What I'm absolutely sure of is that I will always have enough money. Remember, it comes and goes. There is always more coming. Believe it.

Be smart with your money, yes, but don't be ruled by it when it comes to your life. If you think you can't afford to take my advise, you're wrong.

To have a truly rich life, you can't afford not to.