red's world

I don't know anything

The truth is, I may not know a lot about things of importance, like world history or the latest trends (although I try to keep up). But I do know people and I know myself.

I trust myself and I know what it is to love and to have a passion for something. I know what it is to live truly and to appreciate each moment.

These are the things I want to share with you -- all the time!

I profess great words of wisdom like; "I will not let my life be ruled by fear" or "I will not allow my decisions to be determined by my financial situation" (which is the same thing – but not exactly). And I believe that living fearlessly is the best way to be free in life.  I think everyone can benefit from this outlook although many won't take heed or will be to driven by other things to see how they get in their own way.

This is not to say that there haven't been times when I've allowed fear or other factors to determine my behavior, choices, censor my communications, and even change my hairstyle. But restricting myself has never really worked for me.

So, I do my best to live in a way that doesn't steal my focus from my present experience. And I do this by making the decision to do so.

All it takes is to recognize that the only one limiting my life, myself and my desires. . . is me.

Relationship Math

I don't know about you, but I start to feel encumbered when a man is more enamored with me than I am with him. And yet, there is something quite appealing about someone being smitten with you -- don't you think?

Even when your feelings aren't reciprocal, it's easy to be enticed by someone who finds you enchanting. But all too often it becomes -- well -- captivating. And I don't like feeling caged.

When I'm seduced by another's infatuation with me (because it make me feel so special), but I don't have the same intensity about them, I start feeling edgy. All too quickly -- it starts to feel like he wants to change me, and he does want me to change . . . my feelings towards him. I start to feel obligated to try to have special feelings, even if it's not true or even possible.

One thing I know for myself is that when I start to feel anxious in a relationship, it’s usually because I’m not being true to my own experience of that relationship.  This is a sign that it’s time to let it go. (I believe this principal holds true for all relationships -- not just romance.)

For me, it usually starts by making a list of all his great qualities - justifying why I'm still spending time with a guy who is clearly a mismatch for me. And as a result I find myself ignoring the here and now and missing my life. We all know how well that works. . .  it's a dead end. I've found that it's better to cut your losses, call it a day, and thank him for all the nice things he did and said.

When I try to balance the good against bad on the allegorical "relationship spreadsheet" - well, I always come up short. Because, as I'm doing this, I'm already not in it... I'm already gone.

I believe that relationships are a celebration of who we are with others. They should never be about changing the other person -- if they are then the relationship is with someone who doesn’t exist.

It all boils down to a simple equation, when you start weighing the pros and cons. . . it' time to go. If it was right and true you wouldn't be sending time doing the math, you'd be spending the time delighting in the wonder of the people you are together.

So remember this formula: 

Pros x Cons = Goodbye.

Finding Heaven. . .

The most poignant lessons I’ve learned in life have come from the relationships I’ve had. All relationships, yes, but most powerfully from my relationships with men.

Because the greatest insights, the most challenging struggles and the most impassioned encounters have been in my romances. It’s the matters of the heart that have impacted me most deeply.

I am the truest of true, die-hard, hopeless romantic.

I believe that love conquers all and that love is an indefinable, beautiful magic that lives in everyone.

I believe that love crosses all boundaries – time and space.  And that it is a force that cannot be contained. . .

I also believe that too often we don’t allow love to BE -- we try to manipulate it or cover it or something -- because  it is so powerful we're afraid it can consume us. 

But, would that really be so bad? What are we afraid of?

I am determined not to be . . . afraid.

I have a (wide) open heart, and because of this, many times I get hurt – but I never stop believing. My open-hearted nature is one quality which I have been blessed with. A quality that I wouldn’t change. Even if I could. It allows me to feel truly alive and experience life profoundly. 

I think this is why my life is so rich. Because I believe in love and I take risks over and over again. Not making the same mistakes – but always being willing to open myself up to the possibility of heartbreak.

Because in taking that risk . . .I just might find heaven.

Only NOW can I Live

The only way I know how to do it is to live now, in each moment. This moment is all we have – literally. There is no other.

I’m not saying I have no memories of previous events or hopes for the future. I even have worries sometimes, believe it or not. . . but I know that at the end of the day, my life is one moment long and if I’m true in that moment I’ll have no regrets and the memories will be magic.

I have had (and will continue to have) a fascinating life. As a matter of fact . . . I’m having a fascinating life right now.