Happy Presidents' Day! This year, as you all know, I'm not the President of the United States. Sorry voters...you could have had a Red Hot Presidents' Day celebration if you'd only written my name in on the ballot during the last Presidential Election.
You said you wanted Change...well, trust me, if I were president - not only the country, but the world would have changed - for the funner!
Now, sadly, because of the silly 4 year policy I won't be running again this year. The question is, what happened? How did I get in the running for the last Presidential election and why didn't win?
I'm easy, I slept my way into politics.
"How'd that work out for you?" you ask...
I'm afraid that the American people were not ready for all the fun that I would have brought to that office. And there was some "stiff" (pun intended) competition for the "top position" (pun again) and as the final "poles" (another pun) for the last election "came" (yes, pun) to a close, Obama took the lead with his campaign for change. So, Change beat Fun.
This past week was a big one for two Super Powers who recently left this world after helping to shaped our culture. This past Saturday there was not only a funeral for the late Senator Edward (Teddy) Kennedy ...
there was a flashmob of people dancing in the steet to celebrate Michael Jackson's Birthday. He would have been 51, had he not been killed
But the thing that strikes me the most about these events is not the dancing or the ritual rich (and politically well attended) memorial service. But the fact that even though both of these men committed heinous crimes in their lifetime, they are celebrated in death.
Kennedy's Crime:
On 19 July 1969, Kennedy killed a woman named Mary Jo Kopechne
on Chappaquiddick Island in
Massachusetts. Leaving with her from a party, he drove the car off the
bridge into Poucha
Pond and then swam to shore leaving her dead (or dying) in the
submerged car. He walked back to the party, took 2 friends to the
accident site...did nothing, then went to
his hotel and called his lawyer (NOT the Police or an Ambulance). In
fact, by the time he finally called the police (the next morning), the
accident had
already been discovered. No autopsy was ever preformed on Miss Kopechne
but her family did received a
payout from the Kennedy's insurance. Teddy Kennedy pled guilty to the
charge of "leaving the scene of an accident after causing injury." Is
that what they call killing someone...causing injury? At any rate, he
sentence of 2 month in jail was
suspended.
Saturday Kennedy was buried a hero, hailed as the "Liberal Lion" of the U.S. Senate on which he served as the Massachusetts Representative for nearly half a century. Nobody mentioned "Chappaquiddick" at the service. In this great county you can get away with murder, change political policy and be a champion in death.
Michael Jackson's Crime:
Well, you know...little boys. He was
initially accused in of sexual abuse in 1993. No charges were
brought against him, but the family received settlement funds from Mr. Jackson to the tune of $15.3 million. In April 2004, he faced a long list of similar charges: conspiracy to commit child abduction, false
imprisonment and extortion, three counts of committing lewd acts upon a
child, attempted lewd acts upon a child, and four counts of
administering intoxicating agents to assist in the commission of a
felony. In 2005, he was tried and acquitted of these charges. But, let's face it, he's was a man that shouldn't have been around children.
Eventually, Michael will be laid to rest. Initially scheduled to be buried on his birthday, the family pushed the service to Tuesday September 3rd. Probably they didn't want to share the spotlight - or the airtime - with another American Icon. Micheal will be remembered, for being the "King of Pop." Because in this great country, you can fiddle with little boys,
completely change your look while you're sing falsetto, and still die the King. And his music plays on and on and on... sales of his songs are at a record high since his death.
Anyway, God Bless America. The land of Brave where the criminals run Free. And so it goes. The story of who we are in life is how we're seen in death. And these two stars shine brightly as they leave this world loved and adored.
So don't worry, no matter what you do... you'll look good when you're dead.
It's the beginning of a new era and I didn't want to miss out on the celebration. After all, I love fun and I do love a party. So to commemorate the occasion, I put on special outfit.
Even though I wasn't elected President, I'm not above being moved by the hope that has been inspired in our country --- and across the world--- by the inauguration of President Obama.
I don't know that I believe that any one person can change the world, as many things stand in the way of revitalizing a nation. But the fact that America's representative to the world inspires trust, hope and an air of respectability, changes everything
A change in the state of the mind of the American people is, truly, a change in the State of the Union.
Because I'm fun.
Because my readers, fans, voters want it.
And because I love America.
I've wrapped myself in the flag as a gesture of my commitment to making America more fun and more sexy.
Hope you like it!
************************************************************************ For more on the RED'S Presidential Campaign CLICK HERE
With the Democratic National Convention this week and The Republican National Convention next, soon we'll have to have a FUN Convention with Red leading the way and accepting her nomination for Presidency.
But there is a dilemma that needs to be resolved as we move forward with the campaign.
Red cannot decide who should be the next VP, so she's asking you to help her decide who should share the ballot with her...
Please click your choice or write in you own suggestion to help Red find her VP Candidate.
************************************************************************ For more on the RED'S Presidential Campaign CLICK HERE
I've been getting a lot of feedback on my campaign and it seems that the time has come for me to do an all revealing interview in order to gain more support of those who don't really know what I'm all about. So I've agreed to let Barbara Walters interview me in an exclusive piece that will never be aired. I agreed to this as long as she agreed not to make me cry. ;)
Now you're getting a look at the secret transcripts of the interview that is only available here at Red's World.
BW:What made you decide to run for President, Red?
Red: Well, I think that our country is in need of someone who can take charge of the great need of our people to have a good time. In politics we often forget the value of joy. So I'm here to put the fun back into the
presidency and our precious country. BW: How do you propose to do that?
Red: My goal is to give everyone something interesting to focus on. Like sex-scandal and drug abuse. These seem to be the most important issues of our nation. This is evidenced by how much time we (as a nation) spend talking and reporting on those matters as opposed to other "political issues".
I wanted to get in on that action. I'm willing to put myself out there for our nation and draw the most international attention through my provocative behavior. BW: How will that help our country?
Red: Well, it will bring into focus what is truly important in everyone's life: FUN! And, of course it would make me the center of attention!
BW: Indeed, and how will you accomplish this?
Red: Honestly, I plan to sleep my way to the top.
BW: And how do you plan to get support of the voters?
Red: Just by being myself. I don't think the country needs a lot of pushing to spend millions of dollars on gossip and scandal. That topic is always the first to be covered no matter who your talking about...take Britney Spears for example, no one is really interested in the music she's creating. It's much more FUN to talk about how she smokes cigarettes with her small child or gives the world beaver shots when getting out of a car. And as far as political figures, what gets more play? What they do in their bedroom and what drugs they take or how well suited they are for the office they hold? We all know the answer to those questions. How a political figure handles a national crises is an after thought when voting, we'd rather know how much fun they are having.
BW: Why do you think that is?
Red: The American people are more interested in the FUN stuff. People need to trust their leaders. Who trusts, and further more respects, anyone who hasn't been involved in "sex, drugs and rock & roll"? I give the people what they want. The People want FUN! And
they get great pleasure from knowing that their leaders are well versed
in FUN too.
************************************************************************ For more on the RED'S Presidential Campaign CLICK HERE
Red stands for fun, but she won't stand if lying down is called for...
People want to know what my take is on the issues that impact our nation as we continue on Red's Campaign for Presidency. Remember, I believe in the limitless nature of life and I want our Great Nation to be the best it can be!!
At this point, you should know that I'm running on the Fun Platform and that means we need to focus our energies to make this world more fun to live in. Here are just a few of the important issues Red believes should be addressed to continue to fight for fun and freedom for every individual in the United States of America:
THE ISSUES:
Legal Prostitution - why shouldn't anyone be able to get paid for providing a service that is fun and harmless, as long as they are polite and safe. If hooking was legal in every state, as it is in Nevada, we could regulate it and celebrate another booming business in our country. It may even lower the national debt by giving another opportunity to collect income tax on a very profitable occupation.
Public Sex - I'm not saying that we should have sex all the time but I am impressed with the Netherlands for permitting gay sex in the park, as long as they are polite about it and clean up their mess. Let's do one better and extend this freedom to all sexual beings, including heterosexuals.
Pro-Abortion - I'm for it. Kids can sometimes hinder the fun factor so why have one if you don't want one. We have the technology and it's a safe noninvasive procedure. It's not the best form of birth control for sure, but it does the trick.
Free Condoms for Everyone - since we'll never stop sex (and shouldn't) we should be able to enjoy carnal knowledge of others without risking our lives or creating another. NYC now gives out free condoms in bars, subways, bookstores, just about anywhere in the City! Spread the love, free condoms nationwide is the answer.
Lower Taxes - NO MORE SIN TAX! "Sinning" can be fun so we should not
discourage it by taxing it. Besides the Sin Tax on Cigarettes and Alcohol has gotten
out of hand. And although we all are willing to pay for fun, where does this tax money go??? If it goes into helping people enjoy
more fun activities, then by all means tax away, if it's going to other
non-fun activities such as war and bickering (unless you find that fun), then I think it hinders
the fun factor and should be stopped.
Gay Marriage Rights - I'm generally not a fan of marriage under any circumstances, and I would not be opposed to outlawing the act of marriage all together. I do believe that people who care about each other and want to share their assets and dept legally, should have that opportunity without any difficulty; gay or not. Why should the gays
have to travel in order to get married when the straights can do it anywhere? Gay marriage is only legal in a few state now...let's expand this to every state.
Pro-Polygamy - and if someone wants to marry more than one person...why shouldn't they? It can be so much fun to have all your friends under the same roof, yes?
Money for everyone - Although this is the most important issue, I admit I'm not sure exactly how this would work, but I do know that if we all had money we could all spend it. And that would be FUN!
So Vote Red and Make this Country more FUN!!
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If you have questions or want further clarification on these and other important political or scandal-filled issues, leave a comment below and Red will respond. ;)
