BTW, I'm a Sexpert. We'll go into my qualifications another time. For now trust me, I am qualified! And because I can, I want to share my sexpertise.
I'm going to start by clarifying the meaning of terms we use - specifically Sex, Love and Intimacy. These words are sometimes confusing when we lump them together because they share similar qualities.
To better understand ourselves as sexual beings, I believe that it's important to know the specifics of each term and how they are related and not related.
I'll start with the definitions.
Sex: (As a behavior, not the gender) The act of intercourse and/or oral stimulation. Often includes caressing erogenous zones and, of course, making-out or “sucking face.”
Intimacy: (In reference to emotional intimacy) The experience of shared moments, best understood as those feelings of closeness, safety, trust and transparency when we have a shared experience with others.
Love: The strong affection and profound tenderness that we feel toward another person. Intense and ineffable, this feeling is defined by the euphoria we feel when we are with or think about the loved one. It is beautiful and present.
How do these concepts are interrelated.
Here's the tricky part: Because the experience of love, sex and intimacy have similar attributes, confusion is understandable. Sex with another is an intense, present experience (like love). The act of sex (like intimacy) is a shared experience. Intimate feelings may be connected with sexual arousal but it is not the same thing. You can see where I'm going with this...
Because people often associate these experiences together, it's easy to see how they mistake one for another. We tend to define actions by the emotions we attach to them. When emotions (such as love) are tied with physical experiences (such as sex), it can seem like the emotions and the actions are one in the same.
It becomes more confusing when people attach morals and social constructs to such experiences. Once “right and wrong” or “good and bad” are connected with a behavior (like sex), people strive to find the right way to do it.
If we believe that sex without love is bad (and we don’t think of ourselves as bad) than we’ll convince ourselves that sex and love are one; OR we'll judge those who have sex without love, as wrong.
Sex can be an expression of love, but it isn’t love. Intimacy can coincide with sex, but sexual interaction is not necessarily an intimate experience – sometimes it’s just pure physical pleasure.
Confusing sex with love creates myths, causing confusion about the truth of sex, love and intimacy. Judging loveless sex as bad ignores the reality of what sex is and hurts people by creating sexual superstitions that are used to scrutinized others for doing a natural thing - connecting physically.
In my years of research, I've found that it is the variety of experiences we have, and how we emotionally frame these experiences, that make connecting with one another so exciting. But mind yourself, be clear about what you're getting into when you find yourself in a potentially intimate, sexual or loving connection. And know the difference.
Just because sex, love and intimacy have the potential for cumming at the same time, doesn't mean they should or that they will.


