red's world

Sexercise - a healthy workout!

People often ask me if I workout. I say yes.

If sex is a workout, I get a lot of exercise. . . or should I say "sexercise"?

Have you ever noticed that if you haven’t had sex in a while, you’re muscles are sore afterward – as if you had gone to the Jim – I mean gym? Have you ever thought about how all the endorphins released during sex effect your body and your mood? What about burning calories and weight loss? And have you considered the long term benefits of sexercise on your health?

Who says too much sex is bad? Not medical science and certainly not me. As a matter of fact, sex can reduce the risk of heart attacks in men by 50% according to a study done on males in Wales. This study found that the chance of heart attack is reduced in men who have more frequent sex. Those who engaged in more frequent sexually activity were only half as likely to suffer a stroke or heart attack during that time. The doctors who conducted this study came up with the same conclusion I did:  intercourse is good exercise.

And it’s a lot more fun than having some boring workout routine or doing palates. You can get the results you want, while you're being pleasured – what could be better and better for you?

Another benefit of having a lot of sex is significant weight loss. Lets face it, sex releases stress by releasing “feel-good” chemicals (endorphins) into the system. And orgasms don’t hurt either. . . right?

  So people who eat to reduce stress find that they don’t need to eat as much when they are more sexually active. The sexperience is a decrease in tension, concurrent with an increase in physical activity (sexercise), which results in losing weight and toning up.  Sex burns an average of 150 to 250 calories per half hour. Not bad for a doing something fun.

How to get the most out of sexercising?  Mix it up. Try many different positions, try different partners, take your time and do it as often as you can.  You’ll be amazed at how toned you’ll get and how good you’ll feel.

Stay healthy – go get some sexercise!!

Got too much ASS?

Why do men get so attached when you have sex with them?

I call this ASS  (Attachment Sex Syndrome).

ASS is a condition in which people (specifically referring here to the male gender), feel a need to make sexual relations a heart-warming experience.  Such men attach meaning to hook-ups in an attempt to create some emotional significance to the "connection" (which is often purely physical). Men suffering from this disorder are not the ones you want to have a one-night stand with ladies, they cannot simply get laid for fun.

They suffer from Attachment Sex Syndrome.

I believe that sex is important, but not necessarily meaningful. True, sex and attachment can go hand-in-hand -- but they often don't. Believe me, those that expect that sex means "we're connected on a soul level," will often be sourly disappointed. Plus, they're often annoying to their partner who's just hoping for a good, carefree time.

Let's face it, too much ASS can get in the way. Especially when we just want to go out and enjoy a little lovin' without all the mess of a "meaningful connection." 

The best cure for an ASS problem: Don't make more of sex than sex.

And remember. . . pleasure is good, even without ASS.

Getting Caught is the Measure of the Man

I’ve had numerous relationships with men and I understand the dynamics of relationships with men who are already involved with another woman at the time we choose to come together.

When I choose to do this, I go into this with my eyes wide open. I take responsibility for my choices and I don’t pretend that the rest of the world — or his girlfriend, if she’s not secure in their relationship and she finds out — is going to understand that my relationship with him has nothing to do with her.

But, people get weird about sex and possessive about their partners (especially when it comes to acts of intimacy).

However, I admit that when a man wants to have his Cake and his Cupcake too, I have been know to be open to being his delicious Cupcake if he possesses certain qualities:

1.  He has his head on straight regarding the relationship boundaries.

2.  He is respectful of me and of our time together.

3.  He is hot. 

Why not?

What I do with him is between us, not anyone else.

If he tries to bring his other relationships up when we’re together  – I quickly lose respect for him. I have no use for continuing a relationship with someone who is focusing on guilt or worried about “getting caught.” As soon as that fear (or reality) rears its ugly head, he is no longer sharing moments with me.

He is lost. 

And, although, I’m a sensitive person, I cannot save anyone.

I don’t look to engage with cowards, and I don't like it when a guy back peddles because someone else is not in favor of him being with me. I have no problem with him telling me straight-out, “This isn't working for me.” (I know that not everyone can live outside the box the way I do.) But I do have a problem with him saying “I can’t do this because someone else found out and doesn’t like it.”

I want to scream, “Pleeeease! Stand up and be a man! Make your own decisions – don’t blame your change of heart on someone else. You knew from the start that there was a risk, so actually getting caught is, well, not my problem.”

The real question here is: Why do something you can’t live with?

I believe that if you can't live with your decisions, it's time to do something different. If you can’t live with the consequences of your actions (should another become aware of your behavior), DON’T DO IT!

Perhaps some men are fearful of actually being in charge of their own decisions.

These are the victims. . . victims to their lives; these are the ones who let life happen to them and never feel that they have any options. I guess it must give them comfort to blame someone else for their decisions.

Myself, I find it manipulative and irritating. Because, if you have ever been on the receiving end of someone living out of fear of “getting caught”, you are often mistreated (or worse blamed) and then expected to be understanding to their dilemma.

I have little tolerance for someone who thinks they can use their life-circumstances or other relationships as an excuse to be thoughtless towards someone else. 

I believe that we all make choices and we all create our lives. Those who are driven by fear of their own power are destined to feel unfulfilled. Many times their unwillingness to take responsibility is expressed as, "having a hard time," "feeling confused," "going through a tough time,” or “feeling guilty”. Either way, it's not a very appealing attribute when it becomes a way of life.

I try to be aware of a man’s tendency to think this way before I let him in my bed, but sometimes I just don’t see it. Sometimes they convincingly portray someone they are not: Someone who will stand up and be a man about his choices and his life.

The Limiting Nature of Immorality

Disclaimer:  BE WARNED . . . this could be considered an immoral piece.

People seem to need to put things in the category of good and bad, right and wrong, moral and immoral. I think sex has gotten a really bad rap as far as that goes. And - as most of you who know me already know – I don’t believe in a life with limitations – be they physical, emotional, philosophical, educational, mental, geographical or otherwise.

But often, people feel more comfortable if they have a structure within which to understand the world; they feel safer with rules than without them. Which makes it easy for the forces like religion and social mores to have power over people’s actions and behavior.

I’m certainly not saying we should live in a lawless culture and I agree that having rules is a good way to create structure. But when it come to attitudes on sex, people’s seems more susceptible, than with most other subjects, to limit themselves – using the constructs of externally imposed expectations as rationale.

My challenge to you is to create your own sexual rules. Be brave and step out side the limited beliefs that:
“Sex is bad unless it’s for procreation.” or
“Having one partner is the only way to create intimacy,” or
“Being a slut is a bad thing to be,” or
“Women who sell sex are being exploited.”

Be brave enough to say:
“I live by my own rules and I determine what is right and wrong . . . for me.”

Live in the Him and Now

So many men, so little time . . . seriously, what I love about men is the way they make me feel when we’re together. When I’m with each man, in that moment,
I’m only with him . . .
(music begins)
and it is magical and amazing every time.

I love each one of my men truly in that slice of time we share. And when I’m there, with him, he’s the only man in my life.

I put all of my heart into it -- I'm not one for living halfway.

The bonus for being invested in the moments we share, is that I expreience the joy of loving them deeply when we're together. That’s my way. And it allows me to feel incredible . . . if but for precious, precious moments.
(music fades)

So, remember, you can have intimate relationships, no matter how many men are in your bed. . . as long as you truly let yourself experience (just) him, (in the) now.

When is NEVER?

Why do men who are involved in relationships (living with their girlfriend or married), always say, "I never do this," while they're trying to get down your pants?

My question to them is:

                    "Is never happening right now?"

What exactly does that phrase mean and why is it so important for them to say it - every time - just before we're about to...?

Come on, I'm not stupid, I know that they say this to make themselves feel better and/or to flatter me. But, if I'm thinking of sleeping with a man, they don't have to say anything to get me there.

Men, in this situation, generally preface this statement with: "I know everyone says this but. . ." (Yeah, they all do say it.) So what makes him think that his saying it is going to have some special significance; or that I care.

When I hear the "I never do this" phrase, I always wonder:

• Is the implication that they are "breaking a rule" for me. (If that's the case: "Hey, thanks for the insight.")
• Are they saying that I influence them do things outside their normal M.O. ("Wow, I'm a lucky girl! I help you change your ways!")
• Does it mean they feel guilty about having an affair and need to justify it by saying it's not a pattern? ("Really? Ok. . . so. . .what?")
• Or does it mean that they think I'm special? (I have to say, If I'm about to sleep with a man - no matter what his other relationships are - I'm already figuring that "I'm special.")

It's just not impressive (to me) to be the first gal a man has been with outside his marriage (or serious relationship). I'm a very open person and I make it easy for them. Trust me, the men saying this to me are not the first I've had that are attached to another. I just don't see the conflict . . . which is another story and we'll cover later.

For me it's not a matter of believing or disbelieving the statement It a matter of finding the statement annoying and unnecessary.

I say: "So what?" that he's never done this before - I have, and I have no shame or embarrassment about it.

Would it mean something different to me, if he had done it before? ---- NO, because he would have done it with somebody else.

So, to these men who are looking to break boundaries:

Save the line for your own time -- when you're with me -- kiss me fiercely and hold me tight. You can justify your actions to yourself, by yourself. I don't need to know and, I promise, I won't be the one standing in judgment. . . 

I'll be the one enjoying our time together -- for what it is -- without the need for explanation or justification.