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June 2009
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July 2009

Who's got your back?

I have an open outlook on almost everything. If you're a reader you already know this to be true  about me and about how I approach life and people. I believe that we are masters of our lives and we are each the sole owners of ourselves (mind, body and spirit).

Each of us is responsible for our choices and for creating our own options. I believe that to truly have freedom, we have to embrace these choices with all the risks and possible pitfalls that are inherent in any give decision or action.

And I expect that others strive for that too...this is where I find that I'm sometimes wrong. People fall short here, from time to time. And it always surprises me because I really do believe in my heart of hearts, that people are good; there is good in everyone and everyone wants to be nice to each other...and nice to me.

So when I find that I'm irritated with a situation or a person, I have to look at what I've done to contribute to the situation and where I've been blinded by my own idealism and optimistic outlook of people. It's often my overwhelming desire to trust in people (and believe that others will automatically treat me with the same loyalty and respect that I treat them), which lets me down.

But, no matter how many times I learn this lesson, I forget again and again. I continue to move through life and, as if by default, I return to the believe that is obviously part of my core make-up: "People are good, like me. There is good in everyone and people really do reciprocate when your are good to them." 

So, time and again, I feel betrayed and hurt; each time more hurt than the last time.  But, each time I'm faster at recognizing that my unrealistic expectations of others gets in the way of me seeing them for who they are. And that's not a slight on them. It's just a fact. There are some people who cannot step-up and be good. They try, and they're not evil, but when it comes down to it they are not ever going to have my back or truly be loyal to me, or to our friendship or relationship, whatever it may be.

They just don't have the capacity. Maybe they're looking out for themselves, maybe they think they're being supportive when they back away, or maybe they just don't care to be that kind of a friend to me. It takes a special person to really be there for another. And though I expect that everyone wants to do that for others, sometimes I'm wrong about people.

See, I have hundreds of friends and numerous work and professional contacts that I love and adore...but there is only a handful of people I can really depend on; those who would to do for me what I would do for them; those who would protect me and my honor with theirs; those who stand up for me even if it means they'll be scrutinized; those who truly understand the value of friendship and love.

What I do know is that I can depend on me to be there for myself, no matter what. And the few who truly get me, usually stand beside me. But like the song from Chess tells us: "No one in this world is with you constantly. No one is completely on your side..." except for me. I'm always there and I figure, I have to be able to wake up with myself everyday. If I don't treat myself with respect by discontinuing my investment in those who really don't (respect me), none of it matters anyway.

So when no one else does...I got my back.

Cool Chick Award!

J-Trophy-Girl So, I received the COOL CHICK AWARD from one of my favorites! Aren't you proud of me!

How did I earn it? By letting him be himself...

It's a reminder of what it means to be true to others who are significant to you. Being true to the connection you share with those in your life is only as good as the respect you pay it.

If you find yourself trying to make something happen within a relationship, or change the other person in any way, rather than letting things unfold naturally, then you'll find that you're not having a relationship with that person at all.

As soon as you put limits on how he should be, these limits become demands. If you're looking for him to be different, than you are not seeing him for who he is and you are not relating to him with respect.

Just give him the freedom to make the choice himself and no mater what the decision is, respect it by honoring it.

If you do this, I promise he'll never leave you -- it may not be what you thought you wanted, but it will be true and it will be honest.

Plus, you could win an award like me!