I recently had a profound experience in my life that shook me to my very roots and has challenged me to think differently than I have for a long time. Including how I define myself.

Those involved, or those close to me know the details of the experience, but it is the intensity of its impact that has caught me off guard. As I now try to continue to go through my day with the knowledge that life is full of mystery and unanswered questions, I find that I'm not as sure as I once was about anything.

I've always been strong in my convictions and bold in my actions - as you might have guessed from what I write. I've been far from needing anyone or anything to feel secure, with the exception of the assurance that I'm authentic about who I am. I live unafraid of the world - a free spirit. And I've made it clear that if you cannot accept (or at least tolerate) who I am and how I live, then that's your problem. If you like what you see, you're welcome to come along for the ride.

None of that has changed, but of late I've been challenged to consider life and myself in a different light. I found myself acting in ways and believing in things that have deeply changed me. And now I find that I cannot undo this feeling. My life would be simpler if I could.

In unseen ways, my mind has taken on a new perspective. There is more to the story of my life than what I thought.  Not really sure how it all happened, but I've started to see myself as a part of something. And when one does that...everything changes: from the day to day choices we make, to the things we consider when we make those choices.

For the first time in a very long time, I don't know the answers. I’ve been changed and every move I make is now colored by this experience. The chart I’ve been using to direct my life doesn’t reveal how to navigate my current position. It’s perplexing for me to find myself unable to read the chart with any accuracy. It feels awful and wonderful at the same time.

I hear myself saying and doing things that are a culmination of insights I didn’t know I had. I find myself going in a direction that moves me into uncharted territory; doing what I believe honors the truth of this experience, and giving credit to its significance by allowing life to take a course in which I cannot see the horizon. I give up the idea that I can influence future events.

From this experience, I've been able to catch a glimpse of an aspect of myself that would not have been exposed otherwise -- a part of myself that I don’t recognize; a part of me that sees far beyond the next step but at the same time cannot see the path. So, although I don’t know how to do it, I try to trust that the path is right in front of me.

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Photo Credit: Bmoore3