Dear Valentines (all of you who read and love my blog):

I enjoy Valentine's Day! It's a magical time . . . and romantical too, I guess.

It is rare that I have a Valentine of my very own, but that doesn't stop me from taking this special day to celebrating love, romance and chocolate! Though I've given up on most of these treasures as a daily part of my life, today I got a little of each -- without even trying!

And that's why I love V-Day, and all of you!

Here's hoping your Valentine's Day is as sweet as the chocolate I'm eating!

Chocolate kisses . . .

                            Red

 Red's World • Best • Red Says • Me • Contact

Yesterday, in my post called The Breakup Talk we took a look at the most commonly used breakup lines. Today, let's look at the meaning behind the words. Though these simple phrases have been used by the dumper over and over again to end relationships in a way that creates a soft landing for the dumpee, they're not as kind as they may seem. Here is what he/she is really saying when he/she says:

"I love you, but I’m not in love you." Translates to: "I don't like you."

"It’s not you it me." = "It’s you!"

"I need space." ----- "Go away so my space can be filled with someone else."

"I don’t want a girlfriend." Means: "I want a different girlfriend"

"I can’t do this." = "You’re too scary."

"I want more." Means: "You're too poor."

"I can’t give you what you need." = "You’re too needy . . . go away."

"I’m married." ------- "I’m glad I’m not married to you."

"I’m not ready." Means: "I am ready to leave."

"You deserve better." ------ "You’re not good enough."

"I got issues . . . with you."

"There is no us . . . because I don’t want you."

"I’m still hung up on someone else." ------ "I want to hang up on you."

"I thought we were just having fun." ------- "I’m with a whole bunch of other people, you idiot!"

"I don’t want to hurt you . . . " ------ "It hurts to be with you."

"It’s over." = "I don’t want you under me."

Anyone who has dumped or been dumped by another knows these breakup lines are code for something else. It's a way to say what we mean and mean what we say without really saying it. I live by the STOP THE BULLSHIT philosophy so I think it's important to expose the code and reveal the truth behind Breakup Speak. 

Maybe we should simply: "Tell the truth . . . it's just easier."

There is nothing original about the breakup talk. The reality is that there are only a certain number of phrases we use to move out of a relationship, if we have the balls to say anything at all. Never calling back or doing a disappearing act is always an option. But when the talks begin, you can almost guarantee that one or more of the following phases will be the theme of the conversion.

"I love you, but I'm not in love with you."

"It's not you, it's me."

"I need space."

"I don't want a girlfriend (or boyfriend, wife, husband -- just fill in the blank)."

"I can't do this."

"I want more."

"I can't give you what you need."

"I'm married."

"I don't want to hurt you . . . anymore."

"I'm not ready . . ."

“You deserve better.”

"I got issues . . ."

"There is no us."

"I'm still hung-up on someone else."

"I thought we were just having fun."

"It's over."

It's always the same and we've all heard it before. So breaking up is not hard to do, it's easy . . . just use these phrases and whoever your talking to will know. But wouldn't it be great if someone came up with a more original way to breakup? That is my challenge to you. Next time you need to end a relationship, find an original way to say it.

THE END

Dear You:

It's that time of year again! Valentine's Day! Love is in the air, and everyone is thinking about something romantic to do. Well, I have an idea...

Kisses.

It's the most romantic way of sharing your love. I'll never forget when I had my first mind-blowing kiss from a man who made my knees weak and my heart beat faster. No, it wasn't my first kiss ever; an awkward smushing of mouths together by an inexperienced teen. I'm talking about that magic kiss that changes your heart and makes the world a more beautiful place - romantic right?

You know what I'm talking about!

So, for Valentine's I have to honor that amazing kiss; the one changes us from the inside out, or is it the outside in? At anyrate, it changes us forever. I give special kisses to all of you who know that kind of romance and celebrate it!

May you enjoy your Valentine's Day! Kiss those you love and remember those you have always wanted to kiss again.

Kisses...
    Red

P.S. Red's Kissing Game will premier soon right here on Red's World. Yes, I make Games!

I admit I'm a sucker for a good love story, especially one that lives out of bounds and thrives against all odds. The romance of Bonnie and Clyde is a timeless and epic love story that has captured the imagination of our nation for over half a century.

Take that and put it to music and what do you get? In this case, a production that magnificently expresses the story of the romance, danger, risk-taking, wonder and hope of the legend of Bonnie and Clyde.

Although known outlaws, Bonnie and Clyde have always been seen as heroes and celebrities. This production emphasizes that element of their story. Through this show you come to understand, on a gut level, that the reason for Bonnie and Clyde's success was their love for one another. Together they were able to rise above what they had, and where they came from, to make a life for themselves that was beyond anything they would have had separately.

Click here to view Bonnie and Clyde Broadway Musical Trailer on Youtube.

Bonnie and Clyde's inability to live without one another is expressed exquisitely, not only through the music by Frank Wildhorn with lyrics by Don Black (which is beautifully written and preformed), it is also expressed through Jeremy Jordon and Laurie Osnes' embodiment of these two lover through their physical and emotional interactions with each other. The music, harmonies and vocal performances of the score create a world in which you feel a part of this love and desire, not an observer of it.

Jeremy Jordon and Laurie Osnes sweep you off your feet, convincingly recreating the intense connection of these two characters. From the moment they first meet the chemistry between them is real and palpable. There is not a moment where you doubt their desire, tenderness and need for each other. Because there is no holding back in the very physical connection of Bonnie and Clyde (and by physical, I mean PDA relationship on the stage), the touching and kissing has the potential to be awkward or too explicit. But it never becomes either because Jeremy and Laurie's performance is so pure that the tender devotion which underpins the physical is always evident when they touch.The BONNIE AND CLYDE Broadway Musical works because, as an audience member, you feel like you are let inside their world and allowed to go along for the ride with them. Bonnie and Clyde seem like your friends, not criminals, creating empathy for their plight in life and admiration for their tenacity. They never give up, even when everything seems to work against them. And even when you know that they won't live forever, you route for them to make it through anyway. From beginning to end, you never feel like an outsider looking in - you feel like a part of the it all. 

Don't miss Bonnie and Clyde on Broadway

After a BRIEF ENCOUNTER at Studio 54, I'm compelled to share my experience of a tender, tragic and touching love affair...
No, I'm not talking about a late night hook-up I had at a club. I'm talking about the Roundabout Theatre Company's production of the Noël Coward's beautifully written play, BRIEF ENCOUNTER, which runs through to December 5, 2010 at Studio 54 on Broadway. 

Director Emma Rice's Broadway stage adaptation (first produced in 2008 at The Kneehigh Theatre) of the beloved 1945 film, BRIEF ENCOUNTER, is brilliantly crafted to capture the essence of the mind-blowing wonder, intensity and confusion that accompanies the chance connection of two married people who fall in love with each other.  

Watch BRIEF ENCOUNTER Video Trailer

Laura (Hannah Yelland) and Alec (Tristan Sturrock) fall in love when a chance meeting at a train station brings them together. But this is not a simple romance. Both are already married when they meet. They tussle with the essential question of how handle the intensity of their feelings for each other within the constrictions of social expectations. Their romance defies reason and unravels their previous notions about what matters in life and challenges the ideals that used to seem so simple and clear to each of them. This production takes the audience through every possible emotion associated with the complexity of these peoples' struggle to do the right thing, honor their love for one another, while staying true to the brilliant connection and passion they have found.

Full of the heartbreaking twist and turns inherent to falling in love outside marriage, Broadway's BRIEF ENCOUNTER is a marvel, capturing the unfathomable yearnings of true love under conditions that make it’s unbridled expression egregious. It's not often that a story of this kind is told with such keen sensitivity to the humanness of the people involved, and with an understanding of the emotional roller-coaster that come with (and between) a romance under these circumstances.

The dream-like quality of this production captures the essence of romance movie magic, tragic unrelenting love and theatrical drama by artfully merging both film and theatrical techniques (film, screens, music, puppets, creative choreography and staging - both dance and creative movement, musical numbers, multi-level moving sets, brilliant lighting, soaring underscoring, montage sequences, and exquisite acting). 

The complexity of the production mirrors the complex human struggles of the story line. It is sheer genius.

Red's World •  Red's Best • Red Says  • Me  • Contact

Have you ever been in the middle of the most amazing relationship and become so uncertain that you reacted rashly? And suddenly it seems to have ended, but you don't feel that it's over because you still have such strong feelings, and you still have so much more to say, and you are certain in your belief that you can work through it together?

I have, and it sucks. It suck especially because I hate leaving things unsaid; things that I've learned as a result of pushing myself to move through the difficult times that followed to get to the other side; it sucks because I so desperately want to share what I've come to with the person I learned it with...only now, it's become awkward.

What do you do when, after a feeling so utterly comfortable and safe and trusting with another, he becomes uneasy about talking...and you don't even know what that means? And he doesn't return your calls to explain. Yet, the last time you spoke the two of you agreed to talk again after some time had passed...and it has. I don't have the answers, but I can tell you what I've done and what I try to do.

As we all do, the first thing I try is to figure it out. I try to find a reason for the shift which, incidentally, is impossible to do alone - when the other person involved is not talking. This is the rationalizing that we do to make things more palatable when we are dealing with loss...we try to make sense out of a situation that doesn't fit with the past way of being with another. We do it when someone dies, or someone disappears, or when we feel betrayed or confused about the other person's choices that involve us.

But when you try to make yourself feel better by answering questions in your head that the other person needs to answer for you, it's just an exercise; it doesn't really resolve anything. It's kinda like running in circles. You may not get anywhere, but you feel like you've had a good workout.

If you try to to process these feeling with others who are outside the situation, or try to explain it to anyone else, they don't exactly get it. Instead, they try to comfort you by saying, "You deserve better" or "It wasn't meant to be" or "It's for the best" -- but we all know that these pat answers are given to ease the discomfort; they are not real answers and they don't address half the story. These "answers" don't encompass the complexity of any relationship, nor do they provide the relief we desire from the hardship of being estranged from someone important. For me to get relief, there is no reason for me to talk with anyone except the one I need to communicate with.

We need to talk directly before anything can be set straight. I believe we will (because I believe that if I'm feeling unfinished, so is he). But that belief could just be me making things up in my head to make myself feel better. I won't know until we talk, but it does ease the heartache that I feel when I think that I'll never have a chance to share what I so much want to share. And I won't give up, because...

...I'm not finished yet.

 Have you ever been enchanted by someone who stole your very soul? Have you ever been truly swept off your feet? Have you ever met your match? Found true love? Felt so completely at home with another that you know a lifetime in every moment?

I've always been a hopeless romantic. And I've always believed that love crosses all boundaries. If it's true, time and space cannot get in its way. It cannot be contained. Nothing will stop it. Love has a life of its own.

There is no logical explanation for it. It's a feeling, deep inside that you've come alive because that person is in your life, in your heart. Even when you're apart you feel close.

The air is charged and when you touch (even if his hand barely brushes your skin) -- you're excited -- electrified with energy; when you think of him, you smile. And when he's near, you're filled with joy.

There are no words that can express this kind of enchantment between two people. It's a rare gift. One that should be celebrated, not be taken for granted or trivialized. Even if it doesn't make sense. Especially if it doesn't make sense. Even if everything seemingly stands in the way -- nothing will stop it.

Because with this kind of connection, fairytales come true!

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Painting credit: James Coleman

How we choose our mate?

Think about it…really. With more than 40,000,000 sites available to singles, people must think a lot about this. I think understanding more about how we choose who we want to partner-up with, can help us recognize why certain relationships (of the romantic couple variety) are lasting – or not.

Not that I’m a big fan of limiting oneself to only one, one...but, for the sake of argument, let’s keep this simple and address this conversation to the vast number of people who are looking for a significant other to share time with. In a sort of committed or datey – I want to be with you, and only you, and nobody else but you – kind of way.

Widespread opinion (or is it just a myth?) says that common beliefs, interests or shared experience are important in an ongoing relationship. Maybe, maybe not, but many dating sites have made a mint on this idea. And although, it’s true that those factors often bring people together. Alas, this limited understanding of union, often it is not enough to keep a couple a couple (or together at all). 

Here are some examples of how those looking for love try to search: age, religion, political views, looks, hobbies, blah blah blah… and here are some samples of the kind of information you can find on the profiles of daters looking for love: “I love outdoor activities such as water sports, camping, baseball and playing pool”….SO WHAT? Sounds like he's looking for a companion, not a girlfriend. I mean, “Are you interesting?” Or how about this guy, who is looking for a soul mate – yikes: “I like the fresh air of the golf course and occasionally catching up with the latest cult movie.”  Impressive, yes?

Wouldn’t it be easy if that was all it took, just to have things in common to find your one and only? It’s a very seductive idea, indeed, and one that many marriages are based on. But it’s certainly not, well...that simple.  What happens when you life-partner gets bored, or sick, or has an allergic reaction to some shared common interest that was important in your relationship? Then what? What if as you both go through life, each of your values change; what was once considered a cornerstone of your connection becomes a source of strain -  because, that value is now only important to one of you and is seen as a ridiculous by the other? What if, as all people do, we each become more true to who we are as we gain experience – which inevitably brings us to new outlooks and worldviews? That can be disastrous to a committed relationship. And often is. Even if the relationship survives this, it’s often because one of the partners has to shut up or because they have something more than we look for on dating websites.

Chemistry (the spontaneous reaction of individuals to each other, especially a mutual sense of attraction or understanding), is what I think is most important. And honestly, I’ve not figured out how to determine the intensity of this kind of connection without meeting the person in person, which is one reason I’ve not tried the dating sites. (The other reason is that I’m not sure I believe in coupling.)

Nevertheless, chemistry is a visceral thing that occurs between two people when they’re in the same room. There can be no love at first sight if you’re not in the same room…even if you’re on the same website.

Last night I spent a magical night at Sardi's listening to the stunning voice of James Barbour. (Most recently known for his portrayal of Sydney Carton in the Broadway Musical, A Tale of Two Cities.)

He sang me love songs!  Ok, not just me ---

Lucky for you, his Saturday Night's at Sardi's has been extended until March 28. So you too can enjoy the mesmerizing voice of this brilliant talent.

I'll bet he'll even sing you a love song.

James endears himself to the audience with his unassuming manner and enjoyable patter which seems unscripted and natural. Almost like he's just talking with friends, hanging out in his living room by the piano singing.

Using humor to encourage some audience participation he made sure the night had something for everyone. From the Musical Theatre classics (Irving Berlin, Rogers and Hammerstein), to dramatic contemporary ballads (Frank Wildhorn), to pop rock (Styx, and even Captain and Tennille), James showed his range. His engaging presences invited everyone to, not only enjoy the songs, but also to have fun. 

But when he sang...a hush fell. No one wanted to miss a single note!

Here's a little teaser for anyone who is still on the fence about going to see him.

James genuinely brings his joy of song to life in every performance.

But if you're not in New York City and you can't go see his show

live --- don't fret you can still listen...

He has a CD and a blog.